Anytime we go through a major life change we’re moving from the old us to the new us. There’s a period of time where everything feels out of sorts. We might feel that we’ll never move out of this stage. Sometimes we just plainly get stuck. Here are 5 things to think about if you’re going through this process.
Understand it’s not permanent.
You might feel being stuck is permanent if you’ve just had a loved one die or you’re going through a divorce. The fact is you’re moving from an old you to a new you. That new you probably makes you feel uncomfortable.
If you can own the fact that this isn’t permanent and you’re passing through to the new you it might be easier to handle. Everything will feel upside down. You’re likely going to worry about this. If you know that life will calm down again it’ll be a little easier to handle. You might even believe it will never calm down. It will, you just have to have some faith here.
It’s OK to take a time out.
Part of the problem is that you feel like you have to make a zillion decisions and all of them seem pretty darned big. If you take a breath you’re likely to find that not all of the decisions have to made right now. Most of them can be put off for a while.
If you have someone you really trust you can ask for help. This person might be able to help you look at all of the decisions you think you need to make and help you realize that lots of them can be put off, at least for a while.
You need to learn to say no or not yet.
If you are going to put some of your decisions off you’re going to have to learn to say no to some people. For many saying no is a really difficult thing to do. You’ve probably been taught that when someone asks you for an answer you’re supposed to give one. It’s OK for you to say I’m not ready to make a decision about this yet.
I find the word no can protect me. If I have to say yes to everything I just end up crowding out the things that are really important. I hope you aren’t in that world. I hope that you learn to say no so you can say yes when you want to.
You need to have others listen to you.
Part of a problem with a transition is that lots of people “know” what you should do. In reality they are pretending they know what you should do. You’re the only one who knows what’s correct. The trick is you need to understand why.
If there’s something you want to do it could serve you well by understanding why. Drilling down on the question why five times will help you find the core reason you want to say yes or no. You might want to ask what will change instead of why. It could help get you unstuck.
Once you do this you need to have those you’re dealing with listen to you and your reason. If they don’t, just stop talking and don’t talk until they ask you why you’re not responding. You can then say, “you’re not listening and I’m not going to continue till you do.” If this doesn’t work, you just need to disengage with that person.
You have to develop a circle of people you trust.
This is a really big deal. If you have people around you whom you can trust you’re probably not going to have to go through the rigmarole of not talking. You can explain you’re reasons and if you have a circle of trust they get to join you where you are.
In the end, that’s what you want. You want people around you that you can trust and you know make your agenda their agenda. That will help you move to the new you more quickly.
We have a workbook that might help you if you feel your world has been turned upside down. It’s call the Decision Free Zone workbook. To get this workbook, click on the button below.