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Value Creation Blog

How Do Your Values Stack Up With Your Spouse

Posted by Josh Patrick

How_Do_Your_Values_Stack_Up_Wtih_Your_Spouse.pngI often talk with clients about what they want in life. Before we get into the specifics about what you want I think you have to have a conversation about you about values.

This conversation needs to include both leaders in the family. That means if the husband first contacted me about working together I need to understand both his values and his significant other’s values. If we don’t do this, there is a very good chance that will be putting a plan together that does not accurately reflect the wants and needs of both people in a relationship.

I’m sure this is something that you don’t want to have happen to you and if it is something you want to prevent, then read on.

Start by understanding your values.

The first place I want you to start is by examining your own values.  I want you to take out a piece of paper and write down all the values that are important in your life. This list could be twenty or more things.

After you’ve written down all the values that you can think of start crossing off the values that are not core to what makes you tick. Hopefully, you have about 20 values to start with. After this exercise is over I want you to have no more than five core values.

After all, it’s hard enough to remember what’s important in our life if we have too many things to try to remember. I find that anything over five is just too many things to remember and not especially useful.

Make sure your significant other gets clarity around their values.

Now the you know what your values are, it’s time for you to work with your significant other and help them understand their values. I think it makes sense that you would have your significant other do the exact same exercise you just did.

Now you’re in a position to take the next step in creating shared values that you both can support.

Find the values that you both have in common.

This is where you get to compare the five core values you have with the five core values your significant other has. If you find two or three you have in common those are the values you want to focus on.

If you find that you only have zero or one value in common, then it’s time to take out your list again and see if there are any shared values in the larger list that you had. If so, those are the values that you and your significant other will want to focus your energies. 

Have a conversation with your significant other about common values and the values you don’t have in common.

This values exercise is about having both you and your significant other be on the same page. That way when you start thinking about future plans you can check those plans against the values that you both share and make sure your plans are consistent with your values.

If what you plan to do doesn’t match up with each other’s values, then you should have a conversation about where they don’t fit and what you’re going to do about it.

Clarity is the key.

This exercise is meant to provide you and your significant other a way to talk about shared values. When you do this, it becomes easy to make decisions about what’s important in your life.

Doesn’t that sound like something you can support?

After all, you want your plan to reflect what’s important to both of you.

Now that you’ve done the values exercise you’re in the position to work with professionals who can help you take your values and combine it with any planning you would like to do. You can share the values with others in your family and others who are important in your life.

If someone asked you to do something that doesn’t fit in with your values you’re in a position to say, “This just doesn’t fit with what I believe.” And, in my world being able to say something doesn’t fit in is just as important if not more so than saying yes.

Why don’t you click here you let me know what you think about your own personal values. Oh, we also have a great process to help you clarify what your values are and how it fits into your life. If you’re interested in this why don’t you click here find a time on my schedule that works for you and will spend 30 minutes talking about it. By the way, the phone call that will have will be free.

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Topics: financial planning, Values, Value clarification

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